Big hair, this day when I’m acting like a bad-ass I can’t help but see my maternal grandmother shining through! I don’t smoke, drink, nor chew but I can shoot a bullet through you! Some days, you just need to know you aren’t going to put up with other people’s shit.
The night before I decided to launch this blog, to feature otherwise private “pinup” images my then husband and I had created, I lost a lot of sleep. I spent days and even weeks in angst over whether or not to take it all public. I vacillated between “that’s private, no one else gets to see” and “throw it to the wind, this is old-fashioned mid-century tradition thanks to the everyman’s camera allowing images of the girl next door to be a fun hobby.” As I researched “pinup”, I chose to ignore and to not share some of what I learned so that I could carry on the vintage “artful” path and focus on fun and games as if oblivious. To survive and to give myself a voice, my conscious was set aside. As a result, much has been learned. At the end of the day, however, I am a daughter of the one true king and truth always finds me. The truth is, pinup images surfaced during the 1800s and were a way for women of ill repute to advertise their sexual availability, to spread the word so to speak and drum up customers. I read this information and seriously thought to abandon the project, but I needed a platform so desperately that I put it aside and instead spoke of the mid twentieth century when the girl next door popped a pose for the troops overseas. Today, photography is what it is. In a way, I think I wanted to send a message of availability that my heart had not been claimed and as far as sexuality I was just flustered. Call it fate if you shall but I say divine intervention, not the help of this blog, changed my stars forever. I am connected with exactly what and who I desired my whole life to be connected. I guarded my heart despite many opportunities, and have much to give an incredible and very real man. Our relationship is sacred. My body is sacred. My body is meant to be enjoyed, by one person in the context of a loving and caring relationship. I have that person now, and this is all his. I desire no other. As much as I have enjoyed pinup modeling, I value more highly than all others this genuine loving connection to a man who has won my heart. My heart belongs to him, and I will fight to keep our connection because no relationship is easy. All that I have experienced in life gives me resolve to know beyond all doubt, this is sacred and worthy. I claim my heart for this man and no other.
